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Written by Azeem
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Wednesday, 26 January 2005 |
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Alhumdulillahee Nahmaduhu Wa Nastha eenahoo Wa Nas Taghfiruhu
Wa Nu Minu Bihee Wa Na Tawakalloo Alay. Wa NaoothuBillahee MinShururi An Fusinaa Wa Min Sayyiathee Aamalina. May yah dihil laahu Fala Mudillalah Wa May Yud Lilhu Fala Hadiyalah. Wanash hadu Allah Illaha Illal Lahoo Wa nashadu anna Muhammadan Abduhu Wa Rasulu.
Amma Baad
Qallalahoo Ta la Fil Quran il Majeed
AaOzuuBillahimishaytaanirrageen Bismillah hirahman niraheem
Wah-Lamoo Annamaaa Am-Waa Lukum Wa Auo-Laa-Dakum Fitnah. Wa annal Laaha In-da-hooo Ag-run Adheem. Saddakullohuladheem.
Asalamualikum Brothers and Sisters in Islam, the verse which I have recited for you is Verse 8 in Surah Anfal:
.It can be translated as:
“And know that your possessions and your progeny are but a trial; and that it is Allah with whom lies your highest reward.” (Quran 8:28)
Idealistically…
Muslim Youth are not like other youth growing up in this society. Their backgrounds are
entirely different. From visible differences like skin color, cultural background, and religion to internal differences like feelings, emotions, and thought processes, Muslim youth are raised with a higher level of morality. Therefore, they approach many of the problems faced by young people in this day and age with a greater understanding and maturity.
In Reality…
We would all like to believe that our youth do, in fact, face problems with a higher level of maturity and understanding. However, in reality as our Ummah has deviated from Islam, so have our youth. Why is it that the luxuries of this world have become the focal points in our lives and in the lives of our children?
The Answer to WHY?
There are many factors contributing to the overwhelming dilemma facing the Muslim youth...
1. Lack of Islamic understanding by both parents and children
2. Lack of an Islamic environment
3. Little or no Islamic peer groups
4. Generation Gap
5. Little or no communication between parent and child
6. Parents who fail to convey their knowledge of Islam to their children
DO's ..
1. Educate children about the completeness of Islam and its higher purpose. Help your child understand that Islam is not just rules and regulations. Be a living example for your child.
In this society we have been programmed to question. We are taught to question everything! Have you ever seen a young child who is told something and he or she responds by saying Why? And when you give the reason, they say Why? And you respond again and they again ask Why?
If a young person were to ask another, hey lets go to the park. He would without even thinking respond by asking why? Many parents get upset when their children ask them questions like why? Their response is usually because I said so! Especially in matters of Deen parents need to take time out to provide their children with detailed explanations of why they are Muslims, and what is the logic behind certain Islamic Guidelines and rulings. They don’t question for the sake of questioning they are asking because they truly want to know why. This society trains us to ask questions and to engage in dialogue to develop a thorough understanding on issues.
Even in the Holy Quran Allah (S) invites us to think and reflect, he even provides proof and evidence of his own Existence!. He doesn’t even expect us to blindly follow this Deen. He knows that it is in our nature to question. And we know many haven’t accepted Islam because they are blindly following their parents Deen. So then why is it that we expect our children to follow Islam just because we are their parents and happen to be Muslims.
2. Become your child’s best friend. Communication is the most valuable tool you will have in understanding your child and helping him or her understand you. With no communication there will be no understanding. With no understanding there will be no achievement.
I once conducted a workshop with Muslim brothers from New Jersey ages 16 – 23. and the topic of Marriage came up. I posed a question to the group. I asked… how many of you would tell your parents if you found that a certain sister had caught your attention and that you are interested in marrying her? They all said unanimously that they would not be able to talk to their parents about it. And this wasn’t a small group there were at least 30 individuals there. So then the next question that I posed to them was… If you aren’t willing to talk to your parents, If you do take any further steps, and take matters into your own hands [to learn more about the sister] aren’t you heading in a direction which will lead you to sin? I wonder how many of the youth there had already started treading down that path? And I wonder how many of our youth here are facing the same dilemmas.
Another situation to consider is … when a Muslim Youth goes through an identity crisis where they are not sure who they are. And they aren’t practicing Islam as they should be. When they need advice Who is it that they turn to? Do they go to their parents? Or would they rather go to their Guidance Counselor at school? Picture it now a Muslim youth telling his guidance counselor I have a girlfriend and my family wouldn’t accept it because dating doesn’t exist in their culture. They think dancing is immoral, so I have to sneak out to parties. My mother wouldn’t even let me go the prom.
What kind of advice do you think their guidance counselor is going to give them?
What if a youth said to his guidance counselor “I think im gay”. What would their response be? “Yeah I remember when I was in denial… My guidance counselor also had to help me accept who I was”.
3. Involve yourself and your family with the Islamic community at local and national levels.
From social groups to workplace environments, the Islamic atmosphere plays a major role and is highly important for a person’s growth and development.
Attending annual Islamic conventions with your family can be a good start. You should also start something consistent at the masjid level. Maybe a Community Dinner once a month. Or have a family halaqa with a group of families on a bi-weekly basis. When your children reach High school age you should encourage them to join the local youth group. If one does not exist you should help create one.
In this masjid there is a youth group. I know the brothers group meets on Friday nights. It’s an affiliated chapter of Young Muslims, A group that I myself have been a part of since I was 13 years old. I can not tell you how important it is to support organizations like this. We might not always be able to speak in our children’s language, but other Practicing Muslim Youth who are not only growing up here, but are also our children’s peers can communicate on the same frequency as them. This method has proven to be effective in getting the youth involved in Islamic Work.
4. Although we can not force our children to choose peers of our own likings, we should instill the importance of Islamic brotherhood/sisterhood and encourage our children to make friends with those that share the same Islamic views and wish to achieve the same goals.
We should give reminders to our children about hadith such as:
A person tends to follow the faith of his friend, so be careful who you make friends with (Abu Dawud, Thirmidi)
5. With the understanding that our children are growing up in a much different day and age than we did, we must be open to their likes and dislikes. No matter how difficult it is for us, we must understand that there might be certain things in our child’s tastes and behaviors that are against our culture but not against Islam.
You have to pick and choose your battles. You can not always be arguing with and lecturing your children. Make it a principle to stick to correcting your children only when they violate Islamic principles. I know this is hard for some people to swallow…but it needs to be said…If you did not grow up here…Your culture is not their culture.
They might want to wear clothes that you think look foolish, and ridiculous, or the way they style their hair might look shaytanic to you.. but those are not the issues of highest importance. Is your child even praying 5 times a day? How many parents are concerned about that?
There are also many customs from this culture which might not make sense to you. Such as “Hanging out, or going to Chill” which basically means spending time with friends and having fun. If you totally restrict your child from doing this, they will rebel against you, or when they go off for college they will make up for all the fun you made them miss out on. And we have seen many examples of youth taking full advantage of their newfound freedom. I am not saying let them do whatever they want.. But give them some room to make decisions for themselves. It is very frustrating for youth to get the feeling that their parents don’t trust them.
I also see the children of Muslim Immigrants as being people who have the best of both worlds… Firstly we have Islam as a Criteria to judge by. So when we look at our two cultures one from “back home”, and one form here. Using the criteria of Islam we come to conclusions as to what is acceptable for us to adopt in our lives, what is unnecessary, and what is unacceptable. So that is who we are, and that is really different from our parents who came here as immigrants and felt the need to clasp on to whatever they grew up with, wherever they came from.
6. Establish a Masjid and Library in your own home. Pray with your family (Including the women, culturally many of us think its enough for the men to pray) Buy books for your children. Give them a monthly budget to spend on buying Islamic books, CDs, tapes. Nowadays there are many good CD and Tape sets by scholars who youth actually enjoy listening to. Turn off your TV sets…that’s not quality family time… Spend time with your family by sitting with them and studying literature or tafsir. Even if it’s for a short period of time, just attempt to be consistent. We can not establish islam in our communities while Islam has not been established in our homes.
7. Patience, love, and affection are the three virtues that you as a parent must show your child. Be affectionate with your child, give them love and respect, and always be patient with them. If you give them these three things, they will, in return, give you the same.
Alhumdula rabbila alimeen Wassalatu Wassalamu Ala Sayyidil Mursaleen Muhammadiuu Wa alla Aalihee Wah-Sah-bihee Aj maeen
Amma Baad
DONT'S ...
1. Do not confuse your children by incorporating cultural views with Islamic teachings. What is culturally acceptable might not be Islamic.
If your child identifies with Islam. That is a major advantage to you. All you would need to do is give them reminders of what Allah (S) likes and Dislikes. If that child disagrees with you it would definitely be along Islamic grounds. If his conclusion is right then you might learn something from your child. And if his/her conclusion is wrong you will need to have enough Islamic knowledge and understanding to explain yourself. If you can show your child where you stand through Islam they will surely accept, if they are sincere. If your argument is filled with ideals of long lasting traditions that our buzorge or wisemen taught us… that type of reasoning will not fly with the youth. They need solid proofs and evidence. And it is to your benefit to be aware of what Islam really calls for.
2. Do not make your children’s decisions for them. Give them enough Islamic understanding so that you can trust their judgment.
You are not always going to be able to make decisions for them. The youth are faced with challenges everyday many challenges which they can not even dream of mentioning to you. So equip them with the right tools.
3. Do not be distant with your child. Develop an atmosphere in which your child will be comfortable coming to you with any problems they might face.
4. Do not condemn your child’s ability to involve himself or herself in Islamic activities. Allow them to be a part of any and all Islamic activities regardless of what stereotypes or conflicting interests you might have.
Being involved in youth work.. I can tell you that the most amount of resistance that we face is from parents themselves. Many of them prioritize Dunya before Deen. And don’t realize the benefits of their children striving in the way of Allah (S).
5. Encourage your child to excel in academic studies. However, do not over burden them and make them lose focus of Islam. Always inspire them to educate themselves farther into Islam.
Some parents have their kids working so hard at school, and doing jobs on the side, so much so that they do not have anytime to engage in Islamic activities even though they want to get involved. Don’t tell your children that they can become religious when they get old. Allah (S) will ask us what we did with our youth. Your child is not any different. Do not stop them from gaining Allah’s pleasure. Instead you should help facilitate their involvement.
6. Do not condemn early marriage. If your child is mature enough and is mentally prepared then encourage them and help them find a suitable mate. Do not postpone your child’s wedding due to financial reasons. Allah is the ultimate provider, not you.
Abu Said Khudri related that Prophet Muhammad (S) said:
Whoever is blessed with children should teach them good manners, and arrange for their marriage when they arrive at puberty. If a parent does not do this, and they take up the ways that are forbidden, the father will be held responsible. (Baihaqi)
And believe me This is the number one issue amongst the youth today. The vast majority of Muslim Youth growing up here have, at least some degree indulged in what’s in this hadith referred to as “ways that are forbidden”. It is common for Muslim youth to indulge in free mixing, to have “close friends” of the opposite gender, to chat online with the opposite sex, dating is even common, Although it might be shocking for you to hear this, but it’s not shocking for a youth to hear that one of his friends has a girlfriend, its common. When I was in high school every single Muslim I knew had a girlfriend. Some hid it, and some didn’t. Some didn’t even hide it from their parents.
Parents… don’t think that you can keep your children from getting married until the age of 30 (when they finally become medical doctors) and think that they will have the will power to stay away from all the fitnah that is surrounding them. If you do this you are putting them in a very bad position, and ultimately you will be responsible for the outcome of this situation. I have found youth at the age of 15, 16 who have been obsessed with Sex. This is the reality of the state of youth growing up in a society where images of sex are all around them wherever they go. Do not ignore this reality, also prophet (S) told us this hadith for a reason.
7. Never condemn your child’s thoughts and feelings. Let them express themselves to you. If you disagree, then explain why. “Just because I said so” is not an answer.
8. Don’t be pessimistic with your child’s dreams, desires, emotions, appearance, and feelings. When they do something good, let them know you are pleased. As parents, we tend to forget the good things and we always remember the bad things.
CONCLUSION…
In this age of deep and gross materialism, where human beings are only valued according to their material prosperity, we Muslims face great challenges. The Muslim Ummah has lost its confidence and identity to western standards. In order for us to reemerge as the true Ummah of Mohammad (saw) and as the Ummah who is to enlighten the world with the message of the truth which takes humanity from the pits of darkness into the light of knowledge, we must first become true Muslims ourselves and teach our progeny the Deen.
How should we interact with young people? As always we have to refer to the example of prophet Muhammad (S)
If we look at the prophet’s example we will find that his interaction with the youth was totally different from how Muslims today deal with the youth. First of all the vast majority of the early Muslims were young. Just think of the likes of Hardat Ali (R), Musab ibn Umayr (R), Muadh Ibn Jabl (R), Zaid Ibn Thabit (R), Saad ibn Abi Waqqas (R), and the list goes on and on… now look around this room.. how many people present here today are under the age of 25? Maybe you can say well many of them are in school. When summer rolls in and when school is out. Remember to count again at that time.
Why is it that Muslim Youth go to college, and become very active in their Muslim Students Association. They organize large events, conferences, dawah programs, they even give Khutbahs every week on Campus. And they do this throughout their college life. But when they leave college where do they go next? Do they come to the masjid? From what I have observed they do not come to the masjid. The work they were doing in college doesn’t carry on over. The conclusion that I have come to is… that our masajid are dead, they are the dullest places on this earth, and secondly young people do not feel comfortable at the masjid, unless they find other youth present they don’t stick around. If a young person comes to masjid to pray you will find him wanting to leave immediately, before someone either gives him a lecture series, or yells at him for something.
I don’t want to place all the blame on the adults… but there are some things which are not being taken care of. If we look at the prophet (S) we will find that he dealt with youth differently from how he dealt with people who were older. He would be more playful with them, and took a light hearted approach. There is a hadith in Sahih Muslim where Prophet (S) places Muadh ibn Jabl on a Donkey and says Ohh Muadh what are the rights of allah over his slaves.. (look it up), once he grabbed Abdullah ibn Umar (R) by the shoulder and told him “Live in this world as a stranger”. There is also the example of how he with his hand moved a young sahabis eyes from seeing non-Mahram women.
Also you would find at his masjid there would be wrestling matches in the courtyard. We don’t even keep the youth in mind when we make our masjids. We’ll place one basketball hoop in the middle of the parking lot. So the youth can’t even play when cars are parked. And we are surprised that they would rather go to the park, or the local YMCA, or even join a Church sports league to engage in organized physical activity.
Our masajid have become strictly Musalas where we engage in prayer and in nothing else. And this is far from the example of the prophet’s masjid which served as a true community center. Where the youth would be training for battles. The youth would even compete with one another to gain entrance to join the prophet’s army. We find examples of the prophet placing young people as the heads of his army.
These days we won’t even make youth the heads of committees at our masjids, and organizations. Even though we know that they would be much better than us at public relations, interacting with nonmuslims, and organizing the youth at the masjid. The youth always seem to be doing their own thing on the side, and would rather not deal with the elders. That’s why they will be active at campus, but not in the masjid, and rarely in our organizations.
An active effort to include youth in our masajid and organizations is needed. The youth need to be given a free hand to organize the youth in their area. They should be heavily funded. We always say “the youth are our future” as a slogan, but on the flip side we aren’t willing to invest in that future. Youth have to be a part of the decision making process. We need to show that we respect them, and respect what they have to offer to the community. Make it a goal to have at least one youth on every committee in your masjid. These youth will bring back life to our masjids. If we fail to do this… Then we are not only neglecting the prophetic way, but we will also be digging our own graves, by killing off Islam in North America.
The Prophet (saw) said, “I was sent as a teacher,” and by the witness of Allah, he is our model and our guide. In order for us to become teachers of our children we must first become sincere slaves of Allah. We can not give something which we do not have. We must first become students of Islam before we can become it’s teachers. We must first become possessors of Islam before we can become it’s givers.
It is impossible for our children to become the heirs of this great knowledge without having good teachers.
The future of Islam lies in the Muslim youth of today. We must prepare our youth by educating them.
It is our responsibility as parents to develop our children into true Islamic Da’ees. How well we develop our children will determine the future of Islam locally, nationally, and globally. We as parents must be like the farmer who prepares the seeds for planting and cares for his crop till they produce tasteful fruits. I would suggest everyone to check out a series of books on parenting written by Dr. Ekram Beshir/Ridha Beshir. Their books contain real life scenarios which will be quite helpful. They also have released a series of articles featured In American Muslim Magazine. You can also find other articles with practical advice on parenting on soundvision.com.
The preservation of Islam lies in the well being of the Muslim youth living today. We must make our children our ultimate goal and priority. Islam must be implemented in their lives as well as in our own. As we come to do this, we will gain prosperity inshallah in our own lives and we will attain the pleasure of Allah (swt).
If I have offended anyone please forgive me, I am just another youth attempting to help elders strengthen their bonds with the youth.
Qallalahoo Ta ala Fil Quran il Majeed
Auzobillahieeminashsahytaaun-Bismillah hirahman niraheem
Innal laha wa mala Ikathahu Yu Salloona Allan Nabee. Ya Ayyuhal Latheena Aamanu Sallu Alayhee Wa Salimmu Tasleema. Allahumma Salli Ala Muhammadin Wa ala Alay Muhammadin Bi Adadi Man Sallaah Wissam. Allahumma Salli Ala Muhammadin Wa ala Alay Muhammadin Bi Adadi Man Qa Ada Wa Qam. Wa SalliAla Gamee il Ambiyya Wal Mursileena Wa alla KulliMalaikathil Muqarrabeena Wa ala Ibadillahis-Salliheen Bi Rahmatika Ya ar-haam-ar Raahimeen Ibadallah innallaha ya muru bil adli wal ihsani wa itai i-dhil qurba wa yanha anil fah-shaee wal munkari wal baghyi Ya Eezukum La allakum Tadhakkarun. Wala Zhikrullahi Ta’la ala Wa Aula Wa Aazzu Wa Ajallu wa Attammu Wa hammu Wa Akbar.
Aqimisalah
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